Blame it on Carrie Underwood.I am a product of the generation that saw Regine Velasquez transform (literally) from an awkward, lanky girl with huge shoulder pads and hair spray-soaked hair that defied gravity to the (rumor has it) surgically enhanced vixen she is now. Of course, when she was singing her huge lungs out on television, I was still pre-pubertal, worried more about how I was gonna keep all those tutubi I caught (I tried keeping them in glass jars, but forgot to make holes on the covers… Yeah, I’m guilty of tutubi genocide long before I became single-handedly responsible for causing a palaka holocaust in biology class!), than with the adolescent bane – acne. Mom won’t admit to it now, but she was a fan, I think, of the flat-nosed, chinky-eyed, flat-chested Songbird – R1980s, which was a more natural, less recognizable earlier edition of R2K. My older sister, brother and I, on the other hand, would wait for the Bulilit segment of that program to find out what Banig would belt out then. Then there was Donna Yrastorza, the younger, chubby, gopher-looking, horrendously buck-toothed version of Donna Cruz. Maybe Regine can learn a thing or two about “metamorphosis” from Mrs. Yong Larrazabal (Yong, incidentally, was a pseudo-mentor of mine when I rotated in Ophthalmology as a clinical clerk and he was taking up his residency, but I digress). It’s more appetizing (in a male-hormonal kinda way) to see a gradual, believable transformation from an ugly duckling to an elegant swan the way Donna did it (Unless you’d consider wearing braces a form of artificial enhancement, coz if you do, I might have to kill you! Just kidding.) than the “I-swear-I-didn’t-go-under-the-knife-so-I-don’t-have-to-say-salamat-dok” technique Ms. Narito-Ako used.
The newer versions of Filipino singing contests and talent shows, sadly can’t compete with Ang Bagong Kampeon for the following reasons: First, the contestants back then had pipes that didn’t need amplification. I’d bet you could hear them singing from miles away, and not be roused violently from your peaceful slumber, coz most of their voices had a soothing quality, whereas now, contestants’ claim to fame would be their ability to produce sound only animals can hear. Also, I’d bet again that the “losers” back then could easily beat the crap out of “winners” now if pitted against each other. Second, the judges’ panel then had the likes of Ryan Cayabyab and Professor Umali (who, I suppose, had to be very good, coz he had this “Skeletor” – if you don’t know Skeletor and you were born in the 80’s, then you clearly had a deprived childhood – aura you’d only see in academic people who lived and breathed music). Now, the panel would be a hodge-podge of non-talents, semi-talents, and wanna-be talents. I have nothing against having the likes of Danny Tan, Mel Villena or Verni Varga. They’re good at what they do. And what they do is compose, arrange or sing extremely well, respectively. But why, on earth, would you ask Jaya to sit on the panel? Her stray and bum notes outnumber her good ones. And that is on a good day! Yeah, she has this “black sound”, but I’ll take Pinoy sound + on-key singing anytime over her “black sound” + “where-did-that-note-come-from?!?” Even more insane would be the person who asked Agot Isidro or Pops Fernandez to sit as judges. They’re okay, I guess. And as people, I don’t have any doubt that they’re nice. But putting them on the judges’ panel? Crazy. There’s got to be someone else out there, someone who can tell the difference between singing (with full notes) and breathing heavily on the microphone. They’re okay singers. But there are lots of better ones out there. Anyway, Philippine Idol is supposed to put together Ryan Cayabyab, Pilita Corrales and Francis Magalona. That should be something to look forward to. At least, these people know what they’re doing and what they’re talking about. Francis Magalona might seem like an unusual choice, but I honestly believe this guy’s really talented. Anyway, he should be on his toes, coz if he ain’t, he’d easily get drowned by Pilita and Ryan. Third, nobody can beat the tandem of Pilita Corrales and Bert Marcelo as talent show hosts. Even when they’re bad, they’re good. Now, we have Regine Velasquez (But I have to say I usually flip the channel to GMA just to see how “healthy” and “prosperous” her “future” has turned out to be… Feel free to translate this verbatim into Tagalog, hehe!) and her “There can only be on Pinoy Pop Sooooperstaaaaaaar!” Geez. And don’t get me started on the younger ones in ABS-CBN. In fairness to some of them, though, they do show some promise, like, in particular, Sarah Geronimo and Sheryn Regis. But the guys suck (Okay, I meant that figuratively, so no matter what you might have read in the tabloids, I didn’t mean what you thought I meant. Get your mind off the gutter, hehe!).
So, like any corned beef-fed, Spam-nourished and Tang-guzzling child of American television, I turned to American talent reality shows to check if they’re also fond of self-flagellation as we Filipinos appear to be. We didn’t get to watch the first two editions of American Idol coz cable television didn’t start airing the reality show until its third season. Of course, we had a lot to cheer about when the third season featured two Fil-Ams in the final 12. I must say I was a fan of Camille Velasco, but her incurable stage fright and “deer-caught-in-the-headlights look” every time she went onstage got on my nerves by the third episode. As for Jasmine Trias, she with the calacuchi or gumamela or *insert whatever tropical flower here*, she could do a concert with Jaya anytime and I couldn’t care less. I was rooting for the pink-haired girl (Amy Adams?), not because she was really good, but because she could’ve been the product of Jay Leno’s moment of weakness with Janet Reno. LaToya was overrated, Fantasia was histrionic, Diana was hysterical, George was gay, err, I meant happy all the time (hehe!), John was Conan O’Brien’s love child, and “What’s her name?” (the big-boobed African American girl** with big hair, big thighs and big voice) was just too forgettable. *Fantasia won. Insert confetti, fireworks and applause here* Whoopee! *rolls eyes*
Last year, though, was something else. I mean, Carrie Underwood! Woo-hoo! And Bo Bice! Yeah! I’ve always resented Simon’s brand of pimping, but with Carrie Underwood, the guy just couldn’t help it. Of course, Paula was acting more inebriated and durog than usual throughout most of the episodes, but when you’ve got Bo and Carrie onstage, who cares about Paula’s tribute to the gods of analgesia, right? I didn’t miss an episode. Even when I was out of town, I made it a point to turn the TV on when AI:4 would be airing. I got hooked on American Idol 4. No, what I meant was, I got hooked on American Idol. Period.
This year, I followed AI:5 from the auditions to the finals and never missed a beat, err, an episode. I had my early favorites, and the earliest would be the girl solely responsible for the McPheever. Katharine was a goddess as far I was concerned. I didn’t really care about her voice, for as long as she graced the screen, ayos na! Kumpleto na araw ko! Haha! But as the show progressed, I knew that the person who should’ve been in the finals (and who should’ve won it!) was Elliott Yamin. Man, that guy’s good! No, that guy’s excellent! Too bad that in the US, as in Banana Republic, people care too much about pogi points… and Elliott had way too much chompers. But if there was any fairness at all, he should’ve gone home with the prize. Not that biologically-impossible progeny of George Clooney and Jay Leno (at the rate Jay Leno is going, he could be populating this miserable place with dreadful seed). Anyway, I now have a copy of the Encores CD that the finalists made and I’ve uploaded the songs to my iPod. I’ve played “Moody’s Mood for Love” dozens of times, and “Midnight Train to Georgia” and “Superstition” at least a dozen times. I should’ve rooted for Paris Bennett and Bucky Covington more. But Elliott stole the show, err, made the CD his own. I hope the three come up with their individual albums and I’d be trooping to Tower Records then. Sorry Kat and Taylor. This guy’s a Yamin fan.
** JENNIFER HUDSON! There you go! Finally remembered who that girl was...
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